A Word On Healing from a Fellow Survivor

Painful​
​There just isn’t a way to get around it. Healing can really hurt like hell. It can feel like there is no way you will ever make it through the dark times or that true healing is not for you. Sometimes healing itself feels like it will kill you. We think to ourselves, “how can we possibly let ourselves feel this pain?” We begin to question whether or not true healing is for us or if it is just for everyone else but us. We question the hole we feel in our chest, the heaviness, and whether life is worth living. We question our own sanity, memories, thoughts…..

Overwhelming
Most of us have spent a lifetime suppressing the pain from our past, running from the demons of abuse. Some of us drink ourselves under the table so we don’t have to feel the pain, some of us do drugs to give a sense of relief or busy ourselves so much that we don’t even have time to possibly think or look at the pains of the past. How do we even begin to deal with this pain that no one wants to talk about including ourselves? How do we deal with the pain that everyone says to “ get over”, “quit making it such a big deal”, “it’s in the past”, “forget about it”?
How do we deal with the intrusive thoughts, isolation, memories, nightmares, anxiety, flashbacks, and everything else that seems to plague us?
How do we deal with the silence……….
How do we deal with family or loved ones who do not understand us…………………

So Step by Step
One minute at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time. That is how we do it. By taking baby steps. By allowing ourselves to feel the pain, sit with it, to mourn a loss of innocence. We do it by allowing ourselves the time we need to process the past. We do it by allowing ourselves to cry the tears we may have never gotten to cry, to seek out positive support, and allow ourselves to grieve, to process.

Separating the Truth from the Lie
We do it by not beating ourselves up for having a bad day, by separating ourselves from people that are not supportive or cause more pain for us in this process. We heal by going back into those memories and separating the truth from the lies. We heal by learning to love ourselves and realize that no one else can do the work for us. We heal by bringing all the darkness of abuse out into the light so it can truly be looked at, dissected. We heal by learning to love ourselves, by giving ourselves the resources and the time we need to re-learn and begin anew. We heal ourselves by staying in the game even when we think there is no hope of healing.

Breaking The Silence & Care
We heal by breaking our silence and shedding the cloak of shame. We heal by forgiving ourselves for things we could not control. We heal by learning how to find healing and then going out and empowering others to do the same. We heal by holding our inner children and telling them that this will never happen again.

Healing IS for You
Stay in the game fellow survivors, stay in the game. Healing hurts like hell but this is one situation where if there isn’t pain there is no gain. The hurt will lessen, and so will the pain. Healing IS for you, so keep showing up and stay in the game.

​Your fellow survivor,

Elizabeth.