Staying Sane During The Holidays
                                          EmpowerSurvivors is a 501(C)(3). All Rights Reserved. © 2022 
                                                                       www.EmpowerSurvivors.net
                                                                          ****Trigger Warning *****
 Holidays can be a hard time for survivors of childhood sexual trauma and abuse. For many, it may mean reminders of past childhood abuse or knowing that the person that perpetrated them will be gathered alongside family members. This may leave you feeling a sense of loss and thoughts of why, why would my family still include the person that hurt me, took my innocence, and caused so much pain. 
 Many survivors feel forced to attend holiday events simply because the people asking are “family”. Survivors may be asked by family members why they are still holding on to something that happened years ago or guilt-tripped and told “ you need to forgive, let it go” or other statements that only make the survivor feel betrayed, abandoned, unloved, and unsupported. 
 As survivors, we know that sexual trauma and abuse are not something you just “ get over” but rather something that needs to be processed in a loving and supportive environment. Each survivor is unique so healing can look different depending on the situation. All survivors deserve support and that includes everyone reading this. 

 How To Stay Sane:
 1) Love yourself 
Give yourself the grace and love that you truly deserve. Go easy on yourself and know that whatever you are feeling is okay. You matter and so do your feelings and experiences. Take time to rest, buy yourself a present, and invest in yourself.

2) Surround yourself with positive and healthy supporters
Building a strong support system around yourself is very important.
This could include trauma therapists, fellow survivors, peer groups, or those in your life that have supported you on your healing journey. Have a code word for your partner that gives your partner the notice that it may be time to leave a situation or get together that is toxic.

3) Get enough rest, drink water, and watch what you are eating.
Sleep is an important factor in life. Without adequate rest, our systems tend to break down. Getting enough sleep can help you handle the stresses of the holidays easier. Stress wears us thin, so healthy eating habits and drinking water can help us regulate our systems and stay healthy. Good nutrition can lead to less depression and an overall healthier lifestyle. 
 
4) Learn or enforce healthy boundaries
Think of boundaries as your property line. Boundaries help you to stay safe, is a form of self-care, create realistic expectations, and create safety. If someone crosses your boundary let them know what your expectations are, how they broke your boundaries, and help you advocate for yourself.

5) Know you are not obligated to attend functions simply because they're family.
How many times have you been to a gathering that you felt obligated to 
attend simply because of “ family”? Give yourself permission to decline invitations where your perpetrator is attending or those that have not been supportive.
 
6) Learn that saying No is okay    
Many people struggle with saying, "No." Many people have a knee-jerk reaction to say “yes” when they're asked to do someone a favor. Keep in mind, you are never required to say "Yes." It's actually okay to say "No" sometimes. Accept this as you prepare to say "No" to someone. This will help you say "No" with ease. When saying “yes” make sure you are not saying no to yourself.

​7) Fight the negative messages
Watch your stinkin thinkin! So many times we have negative messages telling ourselves we are being selfish, not worthy, not deserving of love, etc. These are all lies and many times have been put there by our perpetrators or those in our family unit or well-intended friends. Every time you get a negative thought, notice it but kick it out quickly with a positive affirmation. Instead of saying “I am not worthy” replace it with “ I am fearfully and wonderfully made and worthy of much”. Become the person you needed as a child.
 
8) Create New Traditions   
Sometimes the abuse we suffered at the hands of others has found us all alone. Creating new traditions can help bring joy back into your life. Have your own party, celebration, or holiday tradition that is only attended by healthy individuals and those that support your healing journey. Volunteer at a food shelf, local school, or soup kitchen, visit the elderly in a nursing home, aid in others' healing, and get creative. You have the power within you to begin new traditions. 
​
 No matter your situation please know you are not alone, there are many of us out here that celebrate you and your healing. If you are in need of more support please feel free to join one of our Facebook groups that support those that were sexually traumatized and abused in childhood. Together we can find healing and once again find joy. If in immediate danger please call 911 or your local crisis center.
Written by: Elizabeth Sullivan, Founder & CEO of the EmpowerSurvivors 501c3 nonprofit.

                      EmpowerSurvivors wishes you and your families much peace and love during this holiday season. 
 
If you would like to support EmpowerSurvivors, the survivors we support, our programs, groups, and classes please consider a donation this holiday season. We look forward to serving you in 2023 and will be announcing new classes and groups soon! Donate today through PayPal, through AmazonSmiles, Facebook fundraisers, or by simply sending a check. We appreciate all who donated in 2022!!
Without YOU we could not serve those we hold so dearly. 
 
Donations Through Paypal:
Select a one-time donation or support us monthly for more impact!
https://www.paypal.com/biz/fund?id=MRU3VP4L3KSFU

AmazonSmiles
Shop at https://smile.amazon.com/ and Amazon will donate 0.5% of eligible purchases to EmpowerSurvivors nonprofit organization—no fees, no extra cost. Simply choose EmpowerSurvivors as your charity!

Facebook Fundraisers
Go to https://www.facebook.com/EmpowerSurvivors/fundraisers and click on raise money. 100% of the donations will go to supporting EmpowerSurvivors!

Mail Check To:
EmpowerSurvivors
815 Oak Street West
Stillwater, MN 55082

In relation to trauma, a trigger is something that calls to mind a previous traumatic situation and may provoke a flashback of the event. Therapists suggest that triggers can vary person to person, and are dependent on an individual’s personal, and often private, experiences. It may be hard to predict what may be a trigger for you or a loved one, however, the more attention you pay to identifying triggers, the easier it may become to predict, control, or manage their effects.
Types of triggersTriggers can be divided into different categories, including those based on our senses.  Common categories of triggers may include:

• Sound triggers: Such as sounds of anger, sounds similar to those made by an abuser, or sounds related to the incident of abuse, such as a song that was playing at the time.
• Visual triggers: Seeing someone who looks like the abuser, seeing or being in a location that looks like where the trauma occurred, or an incidence of violence or abuse on a television program.
• Smell triggers: Smells that remind an individual of their abuser or the location of an abuse, including smelling alcohol, tobacco, or an abuser’s perfume or cologne.
• Taste triggers: Tastes that are reminiscent of an abuser such as a food they used to eat, a certain alcohol, or any food that may have been eaten around the time of the abuse.
• Touch triggers: An individual may feel triggered when a certain part of their body is touched, or if someone is physically too close to them.

Since triggers are so personal, they can be broken down into any different kind of category and can include virtually anything. Sometimes triggers can be specific emotions or changes in role, such as becoming a parent. There are no silly or nonsensical triggers, nor a limit to how many or how few triggers an individual may be sensitive to.


Managing TriggersThere are various approaches to managing triggers. Although everyone’s triggers may be different, there are common tips that can be used to deal with them in a healthy manner. These include, but are not limited to:

• Practice “grounding” by reminding yourself that you are in the present and are no longer in the traumatic situation. Concentrating on your current breathing, focusing on your immediate surroundings, touching a concrete or comforting item around you, or doing a mental math problem are all ways to ground yourself.
• Engage in positive self-talk by reminding yourself of all you have accomplished and why you are happy to be you. Reminding yourself that the abuse was not your fault and that you’re in control of your life may help you conquer a current trigger.
• Enlist the help of a family member, trusted friend, therapist, or counselor. This can be helpful if a trigger becomes too big to handle on your own, or if you just want extra support.
• Track your triggers. Keeping a mental list, or physical list, of triggers that have caused you distress, and finding ways to take control or avoid them in the future may help you identify a potential trigger later on.
• Find a positive distraction or activity to engage in to get your mind off of the trigger.
• If you feel comfortable sharing, let others know that you may struggle with certain triggers. For example, letting medical professionals know you’re uncomfortable with touch or physical contact.
• Seek immediate help if necessary. Contact a therapist or call a helpline, such as the RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network) hotline at 800-656-HOPE (800-656-4673) at any time if you are in crisis.