Staying Sane During The Holidays
                                          EmpowerSurvivors is a 501(C)(3). All Rights Reserved. © 2022 
                                                                       www.EmpowerSurvivors.net
                                                                          ****Trigger Warning *****
 Holidays can be a hard time for survivors of childhood sexual trauma and abuse. For many, it may mean reminders of past childhood abuse or knowing that the person that perpetrated them will be gathered alongside family members. This may leave you feeling a sense of loss and thoughts of why, why would my family still include the person that hurt me, took my innocence, and caused so much pain. 
 Many survivors feel forced to attend holiday events simply because the people asking are “family”. Survivors may be asked by family members why they are still holding on to something that happened years ago or guilt-tripped and told “ you need to forgive, let it go” or other statements that only make the survivor feel betrayed, abandoned, unloved, and unsupported. 
 As survivors, we know that sexual trauma and abuse are not something you just “ get over” but rather something that needs to be processed in a loving and supportive environment. Each survivor is unique so healing can look different depending on the situation. All survivors deserve support and that includes everyone reading this. 

 How To Stay Sane:
 1) Love yourself 
Give yourself the grace and love that you truly deserve. Go easy on yourself and know that whatever you are feeling is okay. You matter and so do your feelings and experiences. Take time to rest, buy yourself a present, and invest in yourself.

2) Surround yourself with positive and healthy supporters
Building a strong support system around yourself is very important.
This could include trauma therapists, fellow survivors, peer groups, or those in your life that have supported you on your healing journey. Have a code word for your partner that gives your partner the notice that it may be time to leave a situation or get together that is toxic.

3) Get enough rest, drink water, and watch what you are eating.
Sleep is an important factor in life. Without adequate rest, our systems tend to break down. Getting enough sleep can help you handle the stresses of the holidays easier. Stress wears us thin, so healthy eating habits and drinking water can help us regulate our systems and stay healthy. Good nutrition can lead to less depression and an overall healthier lifestyle. 
 
4) Learn or enforce healthy boundaries
Think of boundaries as your property line. Boundaries help you to stay safe, is a form of self-care, create realistic expectations, and create safety. If someone crosses your boundary let them know what your expectations are, how they broke your boundaries, and help you advocate for yourself.

5) Know you are not obligated to attend functions simply because they're family.
How many times have you been to a gathering that you felt obligated to 
attend simply because of “ family”? Give yourself permission to decline invitations where your perpetrator is attending or those that have not been supportive.
 
6) Learn that saying No is okay    
Many people struggle with saying, "No." Many people have a knee-jerk reaction to say “yes” when they're asked to do someone a favor. Keep in mind, you are never required to say "Yes." It's actually okay to say "No" sometimes. Accept this as you prepare to say "No" to someone. This will help you say "No" with ease. When saying “yes” make sure you are not saying no to yourself.

​7) Fight the negative messages
Watch your stinkin thinkin! So many times we have negative messages telling ourselves we are being selfish, not worthy, not deserving of love, etc. These are all lies and many times have been put there by our perpetrators or those in our family unit or well-intended friends. Every time you get a negative thought, notice it but kick it out quickly with a positive affirmation. Instead of saying “I am not worthy” replace it with “ I am fearfully and wonderfully made and worthy of much”. Become the person you needed as a child.
 
8) Create New Traditions   
Sometimes the abuse we suffered at the hands of others has found us all alone. Creating new traditions can help bring joy back into your life. Have your own party, celebration, or holiday tradition that is only attended by healthy individuals and those that support your healing journey. Volunteer at a food shelf, local school, or soup kitchen, visit the elderly in a nursing home, aid in others' healing, and get creative. You have the power within you to begin new traditions. 
​
 No matter your situation please know you are not alone, there are many of us out here that celebrate you and your healing. If you are in need of more support please feel free to join one of our Facebook groups that support those that were sexually traumatized and abused in childhood. Together we can find healing and once again find joy. If in immediate danger please call 911 or your local crisis center.
Written by: Elizabeth Sullivan, Founder & CEO of the EmpowerSurvivors 501c3 nonprofit.

                      EmpowerSurvivors wishes you and your families much peace and love during this holiday season. 
 
If you would like to support EmpowerSurvivors, the survivors we support, our programs, groups, and classes please consider a donation this holiday season. We look forward to serving you in 2023 and will be announcing new classes and groups soon! Donate today through PayPal, through AmazonSmiles, Facebook fundraisers, or by simply sending a check. We appreciate all who donated in 2022!!
Without YOU we could not serve those we hold so dearly. 
 
Donations Through Paypal:
Select a one-time donation or support us monthly for more impact!
https://www.paypal.com/biz/fund?id=MRU3VP4L3KSFU

AmazonSmiles
Shop at https://smile.amazon.com/ and Amazon will donate 0.5% of eligible purchases to EmpowerSurvivors nonprofit organization—no fees, no extra cost. Simply choose EmpowerSurvivors as your charity!

Facebook Fundraisers
Go to https://www.facebook.com/EmpowerSurvivors/fundraisers and click on raise money. 100% of the donations will go to supporting EmpowerSurvivors!

Mail Check To:
EmpowerSurvivors
815 Oak Street West
Stillwater, MN 55082

Thank you to Doreen Knefelkamp Chapin and Jeff Chapin who kindly opened up their home to hold a fundraising garage sale for EmpowerSurvivors!
Holding a sale takes a lot of time, work, sweat, and energy.
Doreen and Jeff both worked tirelessly and I am very thankful for all they did to pull this off!!!

Thank you also to all of our great donors who contributed merchandise to this sale ( including the Chapins) and to all who gave cash donations. You helped to make this garage sale a success.

I also want to thank all who stopped and purchased items. Without you, we wouldn't have raised as much as we did.

EmpowerSurvivors was hit hard by the Covid Pandemic. Charitable donations plummeted and with the economy being the way it is we suspect this will be the case for a while. We know we are not alone as we see many nonprofits struggling, hardly hanging on, and many closing their doors.

Thanks to the Chapin family, our donors, and everyone who stopped by, the Chapins were able to raise $1006.00 for the EmpowerSurvivors nonprofit. This truly is a gift and we are very fortunate to have those in our community that has such a big heart for survivors of child sex abuse & trauma survivors.
Thank you from all of us here at EmpowerSurvivors!

Learn more about the EmpowerSurvivors nonprofit and ways you can help:
https://www.empowersurvivors.net/

Join us, via Zoom, for the EmpowerSurvivors program, Conversations With Elizabeth!

Date: Monday, June 13, 2022

Time: 6:00 pm Central Time
           7:00 pm Eastern Time
               5:00 pm Mountain Time
           4:00 pm Pacific Time

Register in advance for this meeting:
https://us02web.zoom.us/meeting/register/tZckdO6orT0rGdd5rFyRWwi1jL8QIGYC-jE9 

After registering, you will receive a confirmation email containing information about joining the meeting.

Cost: Donation to EmpowerSurvivors
https://www.paypal.com/biz/fund?id=MRU3VP4L3KSFU

This week we welcome a special guest: Mackenzie Grove

More about Mackenzie:
Mackenzie Grove-Hager is an experienced foster parent of sexually abused children and teenagers. After finding her calling as an advocate of sexual abuse survivors and sexually abused children within the foster care system; Mackenzie offers insight, training, and support to foster parents finding themselves in the role of parenting sexually abused foster child(ren)/teen(s).

Discussion points for this event include: 

- “A victim does not a perpetrator make”
- Disclosure: Do's and Dont's 
- Resources: You are not alone
- Integration into the Community/Schools
- Advocating for a Sexually Abused Child
- The importance of believing in a survivor of sexual abuse 

While this educational episode will focus on foster care, Mackenzie hopes that everyone who watches will take away her most important message...

Sexual Assault/Abuse does not and should not ever define a survivor...

More about the EmpowerSurvivors nonprofit:
https://www.empowersurvivors.net/

Join Doreen Chapin and Elizabeth Sullivan for our EmpowerSurvivors garage sale fundraiser!

100 percent of the proceeds will go to supporting survivors of childhood sexual abuse, programs, classes, and operating costs!

Enjoy the day and stop in and shop knowing you are supporting a great nonprofit located right here in the St. Croix Valley!!!
Learn more about EmpowerSurvivors at: www.EmpowerSurvivors.net
Garage Sale Dates:
Thursday, June 9, 2022, 9:00 am - 4:00 pm
( Central)
Friday, June 10, 2022, 9:00 am - 4:00 pm
( Central)
Saturday, June 11, 2022, 9:00 am-noon
( Central)

Location: 604 Michaelson Street North Hudson, WI 54016
Contact Person: Doreen Chapin (715)245-9001

Do you have gently used items that you would like to donate toward the garage sale?
We will be accepting your awesome garage sale items from Sunday, June 5, 2022 - to Wednesday, June 8, 2022.
Please text Doreen at the cell phone number above to let her know you would like to donate items, what they are, and when you will be dropping them off. YOU can help us make this a great sale with your items of donations!!
We hope to see you at what is sure to be a great sale!
Can't make the sale but want to support survivors and the EmpowerSurvivors nonprofit? No problem! You can help by dropping off your new to gently used items!
Thank you to all of you who continue to support those affected by the heinous crime of childhood sexual trauma and the EmpowerSurvivors nonprofit!!!!!
More ways to donate: https://www.empowersurvivors.net/give.html

EmpowerSurvivors is currently booking guests for our upcoming EmpowerSurvivor Zooom program, Conversations With Elizabeth.

Conversations With Elizabeth is a 90-minute program held on Monday evenings, via Zoom, that supports survivors of childhood sexual trauma, promotes mental health, and covers topics of healing, wellness, recovery, etc.

If you are a professional, mental health therapist, holistic health practitioner, attorney for survivors of child abuse, etc. we would love to have you!

Topics we are especially interested in are:
* Internal Family Systems
* Nutritional Health to help with depression
* Healing from sexual trauma
* Family Law & Legal Rights for survivors
* System Regulation
* How to deal with flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, nightmares, etc.
* Different modalities of healing
* Healthy Boundaries
* Toxic relationships
* Borderline Personality Disorder
* Dissociative identity disorder ( DID)
* Sexual health and relationships after rape
* etc.

EmpowerSurvivors is a Minnesota nonprofit that serves those affected by childhood sexual abuse and trauma. Find out more by visiting our website at www.EmpowerSurvivors.net

Interested individuals can email Elizabeth at EmpowerSurvivors@gmail.com
Please supply your bio, the topic of interest, and why you would make a great guest!

EmpowerSurvivors is a 501c3 nonprofit that supports survivors of childhood sexual abuse.
Find out more at:
​ www.EmpowerSurvivors.net

The Truth About Childhood Sexual Abuse…..
Elizabeth Sullivan, CPSP
www.EmpowerSurvivors.net
Stillwater, MN
The truth about childhood sexual abuse and trauma is that far too many children are affected by this terrible crime and crisis. Crises you may ask? Yes, a crisis indeed. The truth of this situation is far too many children are sexually abused at the hands of those they have trusted and loved.
In our culture, there are far too many that believe this crime is perpetrated by strangers. We believe that this crime is perpetrated outside of friendships, churches, institutions, coaches, teachers, groups, family, close and trusted individuals. Sadly, in most cases, the crime of sexual abuse is perpetrated by those in our families and by society members that have groomed not only the child but everyone that surrounds that child.
So what then do we do about childhood sexual abuse? There is no easy answer for this question but we start by acknowledging that this crime exists, listening with a loving ear to those affected, learning about the effects, prevention, the healing process, and understanding that the reality of sexual abuse affects 1 out of 4 girls and 1 out of 6 boys. We also have to understand that there is no real way to measure how many children this crime is perpetrated against because most children never tell. The statistics only measure those that were able to break their silences, most keep this secret deep inside of themselves only to have it rear its ugly head when the child is grown and in their 40’s, 50’s on up.
How then do we support those that come forward with their abuse and break their silences?
We start by listening with a non-judgemental, loving ear. We listen. We love each other. We give survivors safe spaces to express their grief, loss, heartache, and all the rest. Again we listen.
Sadly in a lot of cases, a survivor who breaks their silence is not shown this loving support. Those surrounding the individual may not know what to say, may not acknowledge the abuse ever happened, may blame the survivor for not “ getting over it” or “moving on”, or may even tell this person that the abuse was “their fault”. This only adds to the betrayal, shame, and deep pain that these survivors already may feel.
It is never a child’s fault for abuse, it is never a child’s fault for not disclosing, it is never a child’s fault for trusting an adult, and it is never the child’s responsibility to save themselves. We can educate our children on this crime, aid in prevention, but ultimately it is up to all of us to protect children.
Childhood sexual abuse affects the whole person, mind, body, and spirit. It can crush the individual and lead to more childhood sexual abuse, teen pregnancies, miscarriage, academic issues, drug and alcohol addiction, poor attachments, domestic abuse, working abilities, authority issues, mental and medical health struggles, and more. This is why early detection and prevention are so crucial.
If a child or individual you know comes forward please respond with a loving heart. It is vital that this person have a safe space to tell their stories, get help and support. It is important that these individuals find good, trained professionals that have a background in childhood sexual abuse and trauma. These sexual assaults and rape victims deserve the support they often craved as children. Work with them, love them, and be the person that you would want if you were in crisis. Most of all do not tell them to get over it, suck it up, judge, or push the survivor for information. If a survivor discloses their abuse, you should know that it may have taken a lifetime to get to the point of disclosing. This is crucial as what you say or do will either empower the individual or cause more anguish, harm and betrayal.
Survivors of this crime can find healing. The process of healing can be incredibly difficult, painful, and at times overwhelming but with incredibly hard work and good support, healing does happen. Survivors will never forget the horrible injustices done to them but with good, solid, and loving support they can thrive. Many survivors will have to undo years of trauma, fix the cognitive distortions that originated from the abuse, suffer through flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, nightmares, anxiety, and self-hate. This is why your response will be so vital. A simple response would be “ I am so sorry this happened to you”, “thank you for trusting me with your painful story”, “ how can I help?”, or “ I am struggling with what to say but please know I love you and are here for you”.
Whether you yourself were sexually abused, your partner, your family member, your loved one, or you simply would like more information about our services please feel free to visit our website at www.EmpowerSurvivors.net
EmpowerSurvivors, established in 2014, is a peer-led nonprofit, operating out of Minnesota, that supports survivors of childhood sexual abuse.
#EmpowerSurvivors #mentalhealth #education #wellness #prevention #nonprofitorganization #childabuse #childhoodtrauma
#sexualabuse #Recovery #healing #healingjourney #peersupport #cptsd #cptsd #Community #groups #love

Painful​
​There just isn’t a way to get around it. Healing can really hurt like hell. It can feel like there is no way you will ever make it through the dark times or that true healing is not for you. Sometimes healing itself feels like it will kill you. We think to ourselves, “how can we possibly let ourselves feel this pain?” We begin to question whether or not true healing is for us or if it is just for everyone else but us. We question the hole we feel in our chest, the heaviness, and whether life is worth living. We question our own sanity, memories, thoughts…..

Overwhelming
Most of us have spent a lifetime suppressing the pain from our past, running from the demons of abuse. Some of us drink ourselves under the table so we don’t have to feel the pain, some of us do drugs to give a sense of relief or busy ourselves so much that we don’t even have time to possibly think or look at the pains of the past. How do we even begin to deal with this pain that no one wants to talk about including ourselves? How do we deal with the pain that everyone says to “ get over”, “quit making it such a big deal”, “it’s in the past”, “forget about it”?
How do we deal with the intrusive thoughts, isolation, memories, nightmares, anxiety, flashbacks, and everything else that seems to plague us?
How do we deal with the silence……….
How do we deal with family or loved ones who do not understand us…………………

So Step by Step
One minute at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time. That is how we do it. By taking baby steps. By allowing ourselves to feel the pain, sit with it, to mourn a loss of innocence. We do it by allowing ourselves the time we need to process the past. We do it by allowing ourselves to cry the tears we may have never gotten to cry, to seek out positive support, and allow ourselves to grieve, to process.

Separating the Truth from the Lie
We do it by not beating ourselves up for having a bad day, by separating ourselves from people that are not supportive or cause more pain for us in this process. We heal by going back into those memories and separating the truth from the lies. We heal by learning to love ourselves and realize that no one else can do the work for us. We heal by bringing all the darkness of abuse out into the light so it can truly be looked at, dissected. We heal by learning to love ourselves, by giving ourselves the resources and the time we need to re-learn and begin anew. We heal ourselves by staying in the game even when we think there is no hope of healing.

Breaking The Silence & Care
We heal by breaking our silence and shedding the cloak of shame. We heal by forgiving ourselves for things we could not control. We heal by learning how to find healing and then going out and empowering others to do the same. We heal by holding our inner children and telling them that this will never happen again.

Healing IS for You
Stay in the game fellow survivors, stay in the game. Healing hurts like hell but this is one situation where if there isn’t pain there is no gain. The hurt will lessen, and so will the pain. Healing IS for you, so keep showing up and stay in the game.

​Your fellow survivor,

Elizabeth.

Join us via Zoom 
Monday, December 13, 2021, at 6:00pm central time for another edition of the EmpowerSurvivors program, Conversations With Elizabeth. 

This week we have survivor and author Tanisha Bankston who will be sharing her story of childhood sexual abuse with us and her new book " My Pain Is My Power". 

Tanisha's Bio: 
My name is Tanisha Bankston. I am a mother of 3 children. I am a survivor of rape, incest, childhood sexual abuse, trauma, and domestic violence. I lived 27 years in silence. I broke silence on July 3, 2020, when I was given the opportunity to speak on the NAASCA radio talk show. I then realized I had rediscovered my inner voice that had been trapped for 27 years. I spoke out when I was 5 years old but I wasn't believed. The trauma caused me to go into a shell and never come out until last year. I am healed, delivered, and set free. I wrote and self-published my book "My Pain is My Power" on May 21, 2021. My book is about my life story. I am praying for others to come forward and to break their silence by reading my book and that it be an inspiration.
I want others to know that there is hope and to never give up.

Cost: Donation to PayPal
https://www.paypal.com/biz/fund?id=MRU3VP4L3KSFU

Register in advance for this meeting:
https://us02web.zoom.us/meeting/register/tZYvc-mqrTosGNUlAetA_6uHylmrarnexWzM 

After registering, you will receive a confirmation email containing information about joining the meeting.

Find out more about the EmpowerSurvivors nonprofit:
​ https://www.empowersurvivors.net/